Monday, June 15, 2009

Chapter 51, the future is in trouble

did you ever see your future and think, "Oh my, this is not going to be fun?" I have had glimpses of it lately, mostly over the past year. And lucky for me, I am only a minor player in this future. For I have looked into the eyes of 10, almost 11, year old girl, and had flashbacks of my mother and grandmother, and the pained look on their face as they looked in my eyes at that age. and the only thought running through my head is "hang on tight, we're in for a bumpy ride!!!" Now before anyone says anything, I love this child as if she were my own. I would do anything for her, including incurring her wrath by saying the dreaded "no", "hell no," and "not in this life time missy!" I will suffer through slammed doors, glares, pouts, fits, tears and all other manner of torture devised by the preteen and teen age female mind, all in the name of love. While I am pretty sure that the eyes looking at me right now are not the eyes of the sweet, loving gentle 6 year old angel I first fell in love with, from experience I know that in years to come I will look back this upcoming time of our lives and laugh (most likely when this angel is dealing with her own little darling) right now I cringe. I would not change places with anyone else in the world, as I look forward to seeing her blossom into an adult, and know that this process must happen in order for her to become an adult, there is an ache in my heart too, as I see the sweet angel growing, changing, testing limits. sighs. I know how my mom must have felt. I just wish she could be around to see that I survived my blossoming time (my mom died when I was 13) and became a talented caring woman. Amanda will be an amazing woman when her process is finished. Of that I have no doubt. But it is going to be a long ride. I think of the other darling asleep upstairs, and at this point whole heartedly agree that boys are easier!!! That may change, as right now he is only 12. being a parent, or a step-parent is not for the faint of heart.

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